


You Promised Me Forever

by fallenforsupernatural



Series: When Love Happens [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-06
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-31 15:34:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1033359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenforsupernatural/pseuds/fallenforsupernatural
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen and Jared hit a speedbump. and a mountain. and a brick wall. (Timestamp to When Lines are Blurred)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who's He?

**Author's Note:**

> THIS SERIOUSLY IS SAD. HAPPY ENDING, BUT SAD BEGINNING. AND MIDDLE. I mean seriously upsetting. I'm kind of proud of it, but it is sad, just FYI. All of the following timestamps will be happy!!

Jensen _lives_ for his phone calls with Jared. No. That’s wrong. Jensen lives for Jared. But since Jared is in California and Jensen is in Texas, he makes do with phone calls. It’s always the same greeting. Jared picks up with a happy, “Jensen!” Or “I love when you call” or something equally sappy. Jensen picks up with a simple “hello”, and Jared chastises him for it every call.

When he sees Jared’s name flash on the screen of his phone, Jensen abandons his essay and picks up. “Hey, baby.”

“Jensen! Guess what!”

Jensen grinned at his childish excitement. He never got sick of Jared’s enthusiasm. “What, Jay?”

“I met a new friend!”

Jensen chuckled. “Happy to hear it. What is this, number 400?”

“Haha, asshole. His name his Adam.”

“Adam, huh? What’s he like?”

“He’s in my history class. I’m kind of really good at history and we’re working together on homework nowadays so I can help him. And he helps me with English cuz I kind of suck at it.”

“What else?” Jensen asked fondly.

“Well, he’s gay, so we sort of bonded over hot guys. He’s kinda cute, Jen.”

Okay. That’s on the list of things never to say to your boyfriend. Jensen swallows nervously. “That’s good, Jay. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, Jen. Look, I gotta go, I’m meeting Adam at the library in 10 minutes. But I’ll call you later, okay?”

“But we were only on the phone for-,” Jensen stopped when the line went dead. “A few minutes,” Jensen muttered to the empty room. Jensen bit his lip when he thought about the situation. Jared tutoring someone in history, working on their homework and bonding. Jensen couldn’t help but be reminded of the first times he and Jared hung out together.

“And then we hooked up,” Jensen thought aloud. “Oh.”

Jensen decided not to think about how Jared hung up without saying “I love you”.

Jared never called him later. Jensen held his phone and felt phantom vibrations every five minutes. When he finally accepted that he wouldn’t be getting a phone call from his boyfriend, Jensen resumed typing his English paper.

He rubbed at his eyes, itchy with sleep. _I’m overreacting,_ Jensen told himself. _Jared loves me. He’s faithful. Adam’s just a friend._

A quick text in his Chemistry class roused Jensen back to focus. _Hey. Call you later? Xoxoxo_.

As far as texts between Jared and Jensen, it was one of the less personal. There were no exclamation points or smiley faces this time. _Sure. Tonight around 6?_

His phone buzzed after a few minutes. _Working with A until 7_.

_A?_

_Adam. What about 3?_

_I’m in class then_. It’s not like I’ve told you that a hundred times.

_Oh. Tonight sometime?_

Jensen sighed. _Yeah. Sometime_.

He turned off his phone before Jared responded.

Jensen was hanging out with Aldis, his roommate, when the call came. Jensen and Aldis got along really well, and they messed around on guitars together sometimes. It was late, the sun had gone down hours ago, but Jared was calling. “Hey, Jay!” Jensen squeezed as much happiness into his voice as possible.

“Jen! God, I missed you. I’m sorry I couldn’t call earlier, but Adam and I lost track of time when we were studying, and after we went out to dinner together. Hope you weren’t busy!”

Jensen looked at Aldis. His roommate watched him with sympathetic eyes, like he could tell the conversation wasn’t anything like Jensen hoped. “It’s fine,” Jensen promised. “I’m glad you’re calling me now.”

“I only have 10-ish minutes because Chad and I are going to this party Adam told us about. It’s gonna be awesome. Can you imagine that? A real college party!”

“We’ve been in college for three months and you haven’t been to a party yet?” Jensen asked, dumbfounded. He’d been to tons, almost every week.

“Not all of us have time on our hands like you, Jen. Some of us actually work.” There was no teasing in Jared’s voice.

“So, you’re saying I don’t work?”

“You go to parties, Jensen! All the time! I mean I’m just going now because I promised Adam I’d start going out more.”

“I have to go,” Jensen said abruptly.

“But-,” Jared started. Jensen hung up before he finished. He half hoped Jared would call back or text him, but he never did. Jensen waited up until 4, long past the time Aldis had fallen asleep, but no messages came. Jensen fell asleep as the sun came up, and Aldis gave him that sad look again.

 

The cycle continued for a few days. Jared called late and talked about Adam while Jensen forced laughs and fake-support. Conversation was short and clipped until one of them ended the call as quickly as possible. Every time the dial tone echoed in Jensen’s ears, his heart broke a little more.

Jared didn’t call at anytime one day. Jensen waited and waited but nothing ever came. Finally at 7 Jensen got a text.

_Going out for the weekend. Camping with A and some friends. Don’t have reception._

Jensen liked to think he was strong, but apparently Jared took down all his walls. As soon as he replied to Jared’s impersonal text message, Jensen put his head in his pillow and let quiet tears slip down his face. It made sense.

Aldis was sitting at the edge of his bed when Jensen awoke, and Jason was eating out of a Chinese takeout box. “We brought food,” Aldis said quietly. “Chinese.”

Jensen nodded. “Thanks,” He croaked. Neither Jason nor Aldis mentioned Jensen’s bloodshot eyes and he felt a rush of gratitude. “Any big Friday night plans?”

“Nah,” Jason said. “We’re gonna hang out here and encroach on your space.”

“Sounds good,” Jensen said. “Not sure I have the energy to do anything else.”

“Jen, I don’t mean to pry, but…” Aldis gestured at his tear-stained cheeks.

“I think he wants to break up,” Jensen said miserably. “I mean, we used to be so close. Mack always joked that a crowbar couldn’t tear us apart.” Jason and Aldis hadn’t treated him any different when they found out he was gay. “Now, Jared hardly ever talks to me. And when he does, it’s about this new guy. Adam, the gay and absolutely perfect _angel_ in Jared’s life. He’s going fucking camping with him this weekend. And there’s ‘no reception’,” Jensen sneered.

Aldis and Jason watched him. “Ouch,” Jason finally said. “That’s gotta suck.”

“It does,” Jensen said. “It really sucks.”

 

Monday night was the breaking point. “He’s… he’s my best friend,” Jared told him. “I was totally lost and then Adam comes! And he’s the best, Jensen, really the best.”

“What about Chad?” Jensen asked. _What about me? What about Chris, and Steve, and Danni, and Gen?_

“Chad’s cool, but Adam and I really connect.” Jensen could see Jared’s happy grin through the receiver.

“I’m happy you’ve found a best friend,” Jensen lied.

“Thanks!” The worst part wasn’t what Jared was saying, or his friendship with Adam. It was the fact that Jared didn’t even realize how much he was hurting Jensen that really broke his heart.

 

Jason and Aldis became permanent fixtures at Jensen’s side, and he soon met Katie Cassidy who declared herself Jensen’s temporary fag-hag since Danni was in New York. She let Jensen fall asleep with his head in her lap after a particularly stilted conversation with Jared.

“You should come visit,” Jensen said bluntly one night. “I miss you.”

“Yeah, I miss you too,” Jared said. “But I can’t come out. Stanford is so serious and I’ve gotta work really hard. But you could come out here.”

“I have work too,” Jensen protested. “And I’ve already flown out, three times.”

“I can’t come. It’s _Stanford_. And you’re, you know, not at Stanford.”

Jensen’s mouth fell open. Jared was the one person that never even _inferred_ Jensen was stupid. He’d been Jensen’s constant supporter and tutor and inspiration. And after all the hard work, Jensen had been so proud to get into a university. It wasn’t Ivy League, so what? Jensen remembered Jared’s proud grin when Jensen read him the acceptance letter.

And now Jared threw that all back in his face and called him dumb. “You think I’m stupid?” Jensen whispered.

“No, Jen, of course not. I know how smart you are. But it’d just be easier for you to miss school than me. I think there’s a weekend where Adam is gone, you could come then.”

“Are you ashamed of me?” Jensen asked quietly. “You don’t want me to meet your _smart_ friends. You don’t want them to see that you have a stupid boyfriend?”

“Jensen, what are you talking about!”

“Does Adam know I exist?” Jensen probed. “Does anyone but Chad know I exist?”

“Adam knows I have a boyfriend,” Jared replied after a beat.

Jensen nodded even though Jared couldn’t see him. “Cool. Well, I’ve got this big assignment due for Chem,” Jensen lied. “So I should go.”

“Bye, Jen.”

“I love you,” Jensen tried.

“Me too.” The dial tone sounded more permanent than usual.

 

 “You should go see him,” Aldis suggested. “Maybe he misses you more than he can take. If you see him face to face, everything will be okay.”

Jensen nodded in agreement. “Yeah, good idea. I’ll go visit him.” He repeated with more conviction, “I’ll go visit him. I love him, and he loves me.”

“That’s the spirit,” Katie said with a grin. “Go get ‘em, cowboy.”

Jensen beamed at her and went to his computer to book a flight. He felt better than he had in days.

 

Finding Stanford was easy, and walking to Jared’s dorm was automatic for Jensen. He heard Jared’s laughter inside and the hum of another voice. Jared and Chad were probably joking around.

Jensen knocked once, then twice. The door hinged open and Jared asked, “Who’s there?”

“It’s me,” Jensen replied.

“Jensen?” Jared opened the door to look at him. Instead of pleased, Jared looked confused. “Why are you here?”

“Well, you said I should come visit you. So… here I am.”

“Jare, who is it?” The other male voice asked. Jensen felt a pit in his stomach when he realized it wasn’t Chad.

“Just Jensen,” Jared told him. “S’okay, Adam.”

 _Just_ Jensen. _Just_ his boyfriend who spent 50 dollars on an express ticket to California, money that he was saving to fix his guitar. _Just_ the guy that Jared supposedly loved, though Jensen was beginning to question it. “Hi,” Jensen said weakly.

“Oh, right. Jensen, Adam, Adam, Jensen,” Jared introduced.

Adam was kind of attractive, but Jensen liked to think he was better looking. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Adam shook his hand, a smile as bright and friendly as Jared’s. It’s like they were made for each other.

“Oh, come in!” Jared said. “We were just hanging out.”

Jensen swallowed. “Where’s Chad?”

“Dunno,” Adam and Jared said together. They shared a smile and a lump choked Jensen’s throat.

Jared sat at his desk chair and Adam was lying on Jared’s bed, so Jensen awkwardly leaned against the edge of the door. “Um, Jared? Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Yeah, sure.” Jared looked at him expectantly.

Jensen glanced at Adam. “Alone?”

Adam smiled that bright, oblivious smile. “I’ll go grab a soda.”

“Get me one?” Jared asked.

“Sure. Jensen?”

“No,” Jensen said stiffly. He didn’t watch Adam leave.

“What’s so important you had to fly out here?” Jared asked.

Jensen sat on his bed. The indent from Adam still crinkled the sheets. “We need to talk.”

Jared tilted his head in a ‘go on’ way. Jensen took a shaky breath and Jared snapped, “Really, Jen, I’ve got other things to do.”

“Should I leave?” Jensen offered without really meaning it.

“No, just get it over with.”

 _Fine, I will_. Jensen’s eyes dampened. “I think we need to break up.”

Jared’s angry expression faded into confusion. “No we don’t.”

“Jared,” Jensen repeated with more conviction. “I’m breaking up with you.”

“No, Jen, please. You’re tired, you just had a long journey-,”

“One that you weren’t willing to make for me,” Jensen reminded softly. “I’m putting myself headfirst into a relationship that scares the hell out of me. I lost Tom, I almost lost my Dad, and I’m terrified. But I love you. I smile every time you call. But Jared-,” He sighed and tried to force back the lump that formed in his throat. “I’m ending it.”

“Why?” Jared asked. “Why would you do this to us? To _me_?”

 _It always comes back to you, doesn’t it._ “You just—you don’t give me the feeling that you share my feelings.”

“I do! I promise,” Jared said desperately. “I call you and tell you everything!”

“You tell me about Adam,” Jensen choked. “And you’ve called me stupid twice. You haven’t asked about my day, my studies, how _I’m_ feeling. I’m broken, Jared. You’ve hurt me so badly.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Jared whispered. “It’s not my fault you’re so sensitive.” He flung his hands over his mouth. “God, Jen, I didn’t mean that.”

“You never mean it! But it happens, over and over again. You break my heart without even know you’re doing it. You’re an insensitive bastard and I _hate_ you.” Jensen wiped at his eyes, hot angry tears mixing with sad ones. “Because _obviously_ you’d rather hang out with someone that’s gay. Sorry, forgive me for being gay enough!” Every insecurity came flooding out of Jensen’s mouth. “So have fun with Adam.”

“Adam? But we’re not together. I mean, there was that one thing at camp but-,” Jared froze. “Never mind.”

“What happened at camp?” Jensen asked. “Tell me!”

“Jensen, it was a drunken mistake, it didn’t mean anything.”

“Tell me!” Jensen demanded.

“It was one kiss, Jensen, that’s it,” Jared cried. “It didn’t mean anything! We were drunk!”

“He kissed you, right?” Jensen tried to do anything to make it less painful. “Adam initiated it!”

Jared looked at him sadly. “I just—I missed you, Jen. I couldn’t call you or see you and the alcohol just sort of, I dunno, it blurred my inhibitions! I was lonely and he was there!”

“Oh, _so_ sorry to be away. I should have come up here, because I never do any work, right? I just party. And because I go to a lousy college, so I can _easily_ take time off. I should just _devote_ my life to you, right? Because you’ve done _such_ a good job of supporting me!”

“I’m sorry!”

“You cheating asshole!” Jensen screamed. “How dare you! You _kissed_ someone else!”

Jared glared. “He’s gay! You’re bi! How do I know you’re not running around with some girl behind my back?”

“Because I’m _faithful_!” Jensen screamed. “Have you really not noticed how much I love you? How much I’ve done for you? You think, after everything I’ve done, that I’m _unfaithful_?” Jensen sniffed. “I should have realized you were cheating. It was so obvious. But I just thought… I thought you loved me enough to be loyal. Guess I was wrong, because I’m so _fucking stupid_!”

“Jen-,”

Jensen shook his head and tears finally dripped down his face. “It’s over.” Jensen started to walk to the door.

Jared caught his arm. “Don’t do this, Jen.”

Jensen wrenched his arm away. “It’s already done.” He opened the door and took one look back at Jared. “And don’t call me Jen. You fucking lost that right when you kissed another guy.” His hand tightened on the doorknob.  

“Don’t close the door,” Jared begged. “Don’t you dare close it.”

Jensen slammed it shut and ran out of the building with tears streaming down his face.

 

Jensen used his phone map to find the nearest bar. It was a few blocks away from the edge of Stanford. He stepped into the dimly lit building that was filled with college students and stumbled to the bar. “I need to get drunk,” Jensen said blatantly.

The bartender reminded him of Gen. “Are you 21?”

Jensen shook his head honestly. “But I—break up, please, I need this.”

She frowned. “I’m sorry about your breakup, sweetheart.” She slid a shot across the counter. “If anyone asks, you’re 21. And that way I won’t lose my job.”

Jensen nodded and downed shot after shot until he was so drunk he couldn’t see straight, but more importantly, he was so numb he barely felt the pain of losing Jared.

Jensen started crying again as he wondered around the campus. He had nowhere to go. His plane didn’t leave until tomorrow and it was too late to find a hotel. There was a bench along the edge of the walkway and Jensen flopped down into it. The wind was cool, but not cold enough that Jensen couldn’t fall asleep. He drifted off until a hand shook his shoulder.

“Ackles. You can’t sleep on the bench.”

Jensen blearily opened his eyes. “Ch’d?”

“Hey, asshole. I heard about Jared.”

Jensen sobbed. “He hurt me, not ‘m fa’lt,” Jensen slurred.

“I don’t blame you,” Chad assured. “And I’m gonna get you somewhere warm.”

“Th’nks.”

Chad almost had to carry Jensen to the apartment building a little ways off campus. “My friend lives here. She can take care of you.”

A sweet looking brunette opened the door. “Hi, Jensen. I’m Sandy McCoy.”

Jensen attempted a wave and slumped into Chad.

“Sandy, help me here!” Chad begged. Sandy rolled her eyes but helped Jensen into the room. She laid him on the guest bed and smiled sadly. “I’ll let you get some sleep, honey. You look like you need it.”

Jensen blacked out.

 

A killer headache and an ashy taste in his mouth welcomed Jensen when he woke up. The clock said it was 9. Way too early to get up. Someone left Advil and a glass of water on his bedside and Jensen took them gratefully.

He was about to fall back asleep when he heard a loud voice yelling and Sandy’s voice trying to placate the angry man.

“I know he’s in there, Sandy! It’s the only place Chad would take him!”

“Jared, calm down! He’s not here!”

“You’re lying,” Jared cried. “Let me see my boyfriend, please, Sandy.”

“Last I heard he was your ex-boyfriend,” Chad commented. “You really did a number on him, Jared.”

“In case you missed it _he_ broke up with _me_.”

“You hurt him, Jared,” Sandy said softly. “You cheated on him.”

“Let me in,” Jared begged. Jensen’s heart broke at the sadness in his voice. “I love him. I want to speak to him.”

“No, Jared.” Sandy said firmly. “He needs his space.”

“So he is here!”

“Jared Padalecki, you do _not_ shout at me,” Sandy said firmly. “And he’s in here, sleeping off a hangover.”

“Jensen has a hangover?”

“Yeah. I found him drunk and sobbing on the park bench last night,” Chad said coolly.

“Why aren’t you siding with me?” Jared asked. “You’re my best friend.”

“Oh, sorry,” Chad sneered. “I thought _Adam_ was your best friend. You know, the guy you chose over your friends and your boyfriend? Call him, he’ll side with you.”

“I didn’t choose him over you guys.”

“But you chose him over Jensen,” Sandy said. “Without even realizing it. Do you know how much you’ve talked to us since you met him? You used to sit on that couch and talk endlessly about how amazing your boyfriend was. It was annoying and sappy, but I’d give anything to have him back. You barely speak to us anymore.”

“So, what? You want me to break things off with Adam?”

 _Oh god, he_ is _dating Adam_ , Jensen realized. His breath came in shallow gasps.

Sandy sniffed. “I just want my Jared back. If Adam comes with him, that’s fine. Just don’t cut us out of your life.”

“Sandy-,”

“You should leave now, Jared,” Chad said firmly.

“Tell him I love him,” Jared begged. “Tell him I’m not going to give up.”

“Bye, Jared,” Sandy said. There was a hint of sadness in her voice. “I hope you fix this mess.”

“Jensen!” Jared screamed. “I love you! I love you, please, come out, let me explain! Adam means nothing, nothing at all!”

“Go, Jared,” Chad said.

“It’s not over.”

 _Yes,_ Jensen thought, _it is_.

 

After a view hours of crying and sleeping off the hangover, Jensen decided to seek out Jared. Maybe they could sit down and talk about things. Jared would explain that Adam meant nothing to him and that he loved Jensen. And he’d tell Jensen how smart he was and that he was willing to commit to their relationship tenfold, including visiting Jensen and not ditching their phone conversations after 5 minutes.

He took a few deep breaths and tried to make himself look as presentable as possible. The campus was big, but Jensen knew where Jared’s classes were and wandered in that general direction.

Jensen spotted Jared easily. He towered over other people and his shaggy hair kept falling in his eyes. Jensen ached to brush his hair out of his eyes. Jared was hunched over dejectedly and there were dark circles under his eyes. _I did that_ , Jensen thought regretfully. He pushed through students to reach Jared and hug him close.

Someone else beat him to it. Adam slung an arm around Jared and already his ex-boyfriend was straightening his posture, leaning into Adam’s touch. Jensen crumpled. Guilt mixed with anger and Jensen clenched his hands into fists. Jared started to smile and look up. He met Jensen’s eyes and his smile slipped off. Jensen’s eyes flicked between Jared and Adam’s arm around his shoulders. Jared started to walk towards him and Jensen sprinted away. He wasn’t in the mood to hear about Jared’s new relationship with Adam.

 

Jensen didn’t cry on the flight home. He didn’t cry when he reached his dorm room and fell asleep with Katie soothing him. He didn’t cry when he skipped class and tore down every photo he had of him and Jared. He didn’t cry when he deleted Jared’s texts and ignored his calls.

Jensen didn’t cry for days. But then he found the little stuffed bear Jared gave him as he boarded the plane for California. “You can’t cuddle with me,” Jared had said. “But you can cuddle with this little bear. Obviously it’s not as awesome as me, but it’s only a substitute.”

Jensen had kissed him and smiled. “Obviously. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Jensen. More than anything.”

Jensen mourned those easy moments filled with easy conversation and endless love. Jensen started to cry when he realized they’d never have any of those moments anymore.

So much for forever.

 

After a week of pathetic desperation, Jensen called Danni. She picked up after one ring, like she knew Jensen was hurting. “Hey, sweetie.”

“Danni,” Jensen sobbed. “We broke up.”

“Oh, no,” Danni said sadly. “Babe, why?”

“He met someone else,” Jensen cried. “And he called me stupid. He kept pulling away and I couldn’t take it anymore. I just couldn’t do it, Danni.”

Danni made shushing noises through the phone while Jensen hiccupped loud sobs and choked for air. He was crying so hard he hardly heard anything she said. “Fix me,” Jensen begged. “Fix me.”

“I will,” Danni promised. “You can count on me.”

Jensen sniffed and wiped away the last of the tears. “I’m gonna call Chris.”

“He’s just gonna yell at you and threaten to beat up Jared,” Danneel told Jensen.

“Maybe I need that right now,” Jensen moped. “I think I need all of you.”

“Yeah,” Danni agreed. “But I think there’s someone else you need more than all of us.”

“He’s gone,” Jensen sniveled. “Forever.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Danni began to cry with him.

 

After Jensen’s last class the next day, Danni and Chris were sitting on his bed with Jensen arrived home. “Hi, Jensen,” Danneel greeted. “You wanna go get dinner?”

“What are you guys doing here?” Jensen exclaimed.

“Well, we heard you went through a bad breakup,” Chris joked. “So we come bearing beer and sympathy. And we’ll even let you buy us dinner.”

Jensen unwillingly smiled. “Can we do takeout?”

Chris grinned. “Pizza?”

“Sounds good.” Jensen curled up next to Danni and snuggled into her side. She was smaller than Jensen and it was harder to bury himself in her arms. It wasn’t like Jared, who was tall and big and wrapped Jensen up in his arms like Jensen was a teddy bear.

His eyes watered. He missed Jared’s hugs. It would be one of the things he’d missed most about Jared, the way his hugs made Jensen feel so safe.

The pizza arrived and was eaten silently. Jensen barely tasted the pepperoni; he was lost in his thoughts—which primarily consisted of hazel eyes and dimples.

“I love him, so much,” Jensen wept. “I love him and I miss him so badly.”

Chris wiped away a tear that had unknowingly fallen from Jensen’s eyes. “I’m so sorry,” Chris murmured. “I know you thought that it would be, you know…”

“Forever,” Jensen finished. “I thought we’d be forever.”

“It’s gonna be okay,” Danni assured. “Things will be okay.”

“How can you be sure?” Jensen asked. “What if I’m making the biggest mistake ever?”

“You shouldn’t go crawling back to him,” Chris said fiercely. “He hurt you. He should get his ass _here_ and scream at the top of his lungs that he loves you.”

Jensen sighed sleepily and curled in between his friends. “I think I should sleep.”

Danneel and Chris lay next to him. “Your bed’s too small,” Chris muttered. “We can’t fit.”

“Shut up Chris,” Danni said. “We’re all cuddled up together. Cozy and friendly, right Chris?”

“Yeah, super cozy,” Chris drawled sarcastically. “I’m getting all warm and fuzzy.”

Jensen snickered and a real smile appeared on his face. “Aw, Chris, love you too.”

“Go to sleep, Ackles.”

Jensen did.

 

Phone calls and texts from Jared kept coming in. Chris glared every time his name came up on the ID screen. “Block him,” Chris suggested.

“Yeah, I will,” Jensen lied. No matter how hard it was to see Jared’s endless calling, it would be worse to know Jared couldn’t call him. He’d stop trying and give up on Jensen and run straight into Adam’s waiting arms.

After it rang for the hundredth time, Jensen picked up. “Stop calling me,” He said wearily.

“Not until you let me explain myself.”

“No.” Jensen hung up and shoved his phone under the mattress. He didn’t want to deal with this right now. There were papers and homework piling up and Jensen couldn’t put them off forever. He’d faked sick so he didn’t have to go into class, but it had to end. Jensen refused to hide away because of a bad breakup.

When he stepped into his chemistry classroom the next day, Jensen took a deep breath and smiled. _Time to start over_ , he thought. _Time to move on_.

 

 


	2. There's No One But You

 

Jared felt like dying. Every bone in his body felt like lead and his eyes barely blinked they were so dry from tears.  _This is the end_ , Jared decided. There was nothing left to keep Jared tethered to the world. Fuck Stanford, fuck his future. Jared lost Jensen and as far as he was concerned, Jared didn’t want a future if Jensen wasn’t a part of it.

Jensen wouldn’t want to be a part of Jared’s future. Not as long as Jensen knew Jared cheated on him. It didn’t matter that Jared felt sick to his stomach when he realized what he was doing. It didn’t matter that Jared pushed Adam away as soon as the other boy started to kiss him back. None of it mattered, because Jared knowingly kissed someone that wasn’t Jensen.

Chad banned Adam from their room and forbid Jared to seek him out, even if it was to punch him in the face. The first time Adam called, Jared picked up and screamed, “You ruined my life!” into the receiver, ignoring Adam’s apologies. Jared never picked up again.

“This is pathetic,” Chad finally said. “I’m pissed to hell at you for hurting Jensen, but you are my friend. And this—this is painful to watch, man.”

“I don’t care.”

“You’ll flunk out of college.”

“Don’t care.”

Chad sighed. “You have no chance of getting Jensen back if you’re just lying on your bed.”

“I don’t have a chance if I’m going to class and getting straight A’s, either. He hates me, and that’s the end of that. Hell, he  _should_  hate me. Jensen should despise me.”

“He should,” Chad agrees and Jared winced. “But here’s the thing, Padalecki. He doesn’t. He loves you. He loves you with every bone in his body and you hurt him so badly I bet his almost as pathetically upset as you. But you  _have_  to try. You can’t give up on him. You’d be throwing away something more important than—than anything!”

Jared nodded weakly. “How do I start?”

Chad shoved his computer at Jared. “I think you need to take a vacation.”

 

It was midnight when Jared landed in Texas. The only flight out landed late, but Jared didn’t want to delay it any more than he already had. It was time to fix things with Jensen.

Jared had never been to Jensen’s campus before and he had no idea where to start. Jared remembered Jensen telling him where his dorm was and his room number.  _He was dropping hints for me to visit him_ , Jared realized. He hadn’t paid attention to what Jensen was saying because he had a history paper due.

Jared wiped a tear off his face. “I’m an asshole.”

“You are,” A voice agreed.

Jared spun around. “Chris? What are you doing here?”

“Well, my best friend just had his fucking heart broken. You see, his boyfriend cheated on him. Amongst other things.” Chris glowered at him and Jensen remembered telling him how protective Chris could be.

“It was a drunken mistake,” Jared whispered.

“And all the times you blew Jensen off to hang out with Adam? The times you called him stupid? Were  _those_  drunken mistakes?”

“I’m trying to figure my life out!” Jared yelled. “I thought college was everything and now that I lost Jensen I  _know_  college wasn’t important. Nothing was important up against Jensen and it took me losing him to realize that. Chris, please, I’m begging you. I made a horrible—several horrible—mistakes. I want to try and fix them. Let me talk to him and if he tells me to fuck off,” Jared gulped. “I will. But I need to talk to him.”

Chris still looked angrier than a pit-bull. “He’s at a party,” Chris said. “The big house right off campus. You can’t miss it; there will be cars and people everywhere.”

Jared nodded. “Okay.”

“Come on, I’ll drive you.” Chris examined him carefully. “But you better keep your promise.”

“Wouldn’t break it for the world,” Jared assured.

Chris drove him to the party and he was right. Music and cars were everywhere and music blasted so loudly that Jared swore the ground was shaking. “He’s in there?”

“He should be,” Chris said. “You better hope that he hasn’t found someone else.”

“Trust me, it’s all I can think about.”

Jared pushed open the door with Chris on his heels. “I don’t see him.”

“Oh really? I totally expected to see him 5 seconds after I walked into the house,” Chris responded sarcastically.

Jared glared weakly. “Will you help me find him?”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Fine, we’ll split up, and I’ll call you if I see him.”

Chris walked off in the other direction and Jared tried to move through the gyrating college students. Jared tried to hack into his Jensen-radar and hunted around for his ex-boyfriend.

It took a surprisingly long amount of time. It’s not like he expected to see Jensen immediately, but he didn’t think it would take more than 10 minutes. After 15 minutes passed, Jared began to think Jensen wasn’t here and Chris had lied to him. But something caught his eye in the corner. A pretty blonde was running her arm down someone’s arm.

 _Jensen’s_  arm.

Jared felt angrier than he’d ever been in his life. How  _dare_  that blonde touch what belongs to Jared!

What  _belonged_  to Jared. Jensen wasn’t his anymore. If Jensen was happier with someone else… so be it. But Jared stared at the two of them and felt anger fade into horrid misery. He’d flown all this way for nothing.

He was about to turn around when he heard Chad’s voice in his head, telling him not to give up before he’d even tried.

Jared took a deep breath and started to walk over to Jensen. Green eyes lifted and met his and for a moment Jared’s world stopped. “Jensen,” Jared sighed. Jensen was too far away to hear him, but by the way his face paled Jared knew that Jensen had seen him.  

Jared pushed through the crowd with renewed vigor and the blonde stepped protectively in front of Jensen. She was at least a head shorter than him, but the glare was terrifying. Jared’s step faltered, but even Jensen’s new fucktoy wouldn’t put him off.

“Hi,” Jared breathed when he reached his ex-boyfriend.

Jensen punched him in the face.

Jared grabbed at his nose and felt it bleeding slightly. It stung like a bitch and Jared gasped with pain. “I deserve that.”

“You deserve a lot more.” Jensen wasn’t going to make this easy on him.

“I know.” Jared pinched his nose to try and stop the flow of blood.

“Jared.” It was a statement, flat and emotionless, Jared had never heard him this cold. “Why are you here?”

Jared winced at his own words thrown back at him. “I came to apologize.”

“So say sorry and leave,” the blonde hissed.

“It’s okay, Katie,” Jensen soothed. Just go find Aldis and play with him.”

“Play with him? Is that how you’re referring to sex now?” The girl teased. Why was Jensen’s girlfriend having sex with someone else?

“Oh, just go fuck him,” Jensen snapped teasingly. She flicked him off and tossed one last venomous glare at Jared.

“Who’s that?” Jared asked timidly.

“Katie. She’s been a loyal f _riend_ , quite a comfort these past few days.” Jensen glared. “Some bastard broke my heart, you see.”

“Jensen, I’m  _sorry_ ,” Jared begged. “I love you. I messed up. I screwed up so many times, and I’m sorry. I’ll get on my knees and beg, Jensen, I swear I will. I’ll scream at the top of my lungs that Jensen Ackles is the first and only boy I will  _ever_  love. And I will spent the rest of my life proving it to you.”

“Jared, stop.”

“Jensen, no. I can’t. You’re right. You were doing all the work for both of us. You carried the relationship. Love is a two way street and I forgot that. You took a big change and put everything on the line. You’re right. You risked way more than I did and you still stuck with me. There were a hundred times where you could have—should have—given up on me. But you didn’t. When you broke up with me, it wasn’t you giving up on me. It was me giving up on us. I should have followed you down that hallway. I never should have let you leave. I should have pulled the door back open as soon as you closed it. But I didn’t. And I hate myself for it, especially if it’s the reason I lose you.”

“You lost me long before that,” Jensen whispered. “You lost me the moment you fell out of love with me.”

“I do love you!”

“Funny way of showing it.” Jensen glowered at him and Jared reached out to touch him. Jensen flinched away and Jared thought he was going to throw up.

Jensen’s eyes glistened with tears. Jared felt sick for making him cry, and he had a feeling it wasn’t the first time. “Don’t cry, Jensen, please don’t cry.”

Jensen wiped his face and made a miserable choking noise, the tears still sliding down his face. “I can’t stop.”

Jared reached out and pulled Jensen into his arms. Jensen didn’t hug him back, but his body slumped into Jared’s and he didn’t pull away. Jared counted it as a win. He rubbed soothing circles on Jensen’s back and kissed his temple lightly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I neglected you. I’m sorry I gave up. I love you. You have no idea how much I love you, because I never showed it. I should have.”

“You did, Jay,” Jensen said through. “You showed me. I think, maybe for a little bit, you just forgot what it looked like. I did too.” He lightly cupped Jared’s face. “I guess we have to work on some things, huh?”

Jared laughed bitterly. “Am I really forgiven that easily?”

“No,” Jensen said. “We have to have makeup sex.”

Jared raised an eyebrow and Jensen sighed. “I’m still pissed. And we have to have a long conversation about us and, um-,”

“Adam,” Jared finished. “I’m fully prepared to have that conversation. I’ll cut him out entirely, I will. No questions asked.”

“I’m not going to ask you to do that,” Jensen said. “I know you two get along. But promise me something, Jared.”

“Anything.”

“Don’t—don’t be alone with him. And spend some time with people that  _aren’t_  Adam. Call me. And don’t hang up after 10 minutes to run out with another boy. Especially not a ‘cute’ gay boy.”

“He’s not as cute as you,” Jared murmured teasingly. Jensen kissed him lightly.

“I’m gonna kick your ass, and then you’re gonna fuck my ass, and then we’ll talk about forgiveness.”

Jared smiled and wrapped Jensen up in a bear hug. This time, Jensen hugged him back.

 

Jared kicked closed the door of one of the upstairs bedrooms. “Everyone has sex up here,” Jensen had told him. The thumb of the music shook the house, but it was muffled behind the door.

Jared smiled against Jensen’s lips. He’d refused to take his mouth off Jensen’s all the way they walked up the stairs. Jensen moaned into his mouth and clutched at Jared’s hair desperately. “I love you,” Jensen breathed. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jared responded. He buried his head in Jensen’s neck, taking big gulps of air. “And I need you.”

“I need you too.” Jensen pulled Jared down and shoved him to the bed. “Why, Mr. Padalecki, I don’t know if I’ve had the pleasure to ride you yet.”

Jared groaned. “Jen, you better make good on that.”

Jensen did.

 

"I'm sorry," Jared said again. Jensen sighed.

"Jare, I don't want to talk about it."

Jared traced a finger across Jensen's chest. "We have to. You were right. I really screwed up."

"Jay-,"

"Don't deny it. You can do your whole 'you' thing, where you pretend like it's not my fault. That you're partly to blame. But you're _not._  It's my fault. It's me. And I'm sorry. Again."

"It's in the past. Yeah, Jay," Jensen admitted, "it was mostly your fault. But people make mistakes, right? And I love you, so I can forgive that. We'll stop thinking about what we did and starting thinking about what to do now."

"What do you mean?"

Jensen smiled. "We have to both work at this relationship, baby."

"I can do that," Jared said immediately. "I swear. I'll fly out here every weekend. And I'll call you so much that you block my number. I will never, ever, stop fighting for this relationship. Not after I nearly lost it."

Jensen snuggled into Jared and Jared's arms squeezed him tightly. Jensen was in his arms, and Jared hated the idea of ever letting him go again. "I guess that will work for now," Jensen said. "I just--just, keep to your promise, okay?"

"Absolutely." Jared nuzzled Jensen's nose. "Can I kiss you now?"

"Yeah, that would be awesome." Jensen pressed his lips to Jared's. "I wish I could do this all day."

"You're not alone." 

 

Jensen hugged Jared tightly at the airport. “I wish you didn’t need to leave.”

“Me-,” Jared kissed him. “-Either.”

Jensen snuggled into his arms. “Call me when you land. And tell Chad thanks for me.”

“Anything.”  

 “Promise me one more thing, Jared.”

Jared kissed Jensen’s forehead. “Anything.”

“Forever.”

Jared looked Jensen in his eyes. “I promise.” 


End file.
